" 'I love you?!?!?!' Is he SERIOUS?!?!"

So some friends and I have been recently discussing what Love is; like how is it defined and how do you know if you are IN love. It has been very interesting. I mean, i know what i think love is but my friends see it differently. here is what we all think:

me: love is wanting to be with someone so much it hurts when you're not. love is when the last person you think about when you fall asleep is that person and that person is the first person you think about when you wake up. also...when you are IN love, you just know.
friend 1: there is no definition of love. you are in love when you want everything for that person and they want everything for you.
friend 2: there is no definition of love. you just know when you are in love.
friend 3: there is no definition of love. and there is no one way to know if you are in love.
friend 4: i don't know what love is. it is too complicated to put into words.

Now, with all that said....i obviously agree with myself...but i do also agree that you can't really define love, but you sure as hell can try.
but then again, all this is coming from a hopeless romantic!

"Hey! There is no chill time on Wednesday @ 4!!!"

Okay, so its official: one final + the SIMS2 = BAD PLAN!!!! I should have known this sooner. i get addicted to things, especially games!!! but i had to see what all the fuss was about. now i know. but i gave the game back to my friend and now i am SIMS2 free! it feels so good! but luckily, i only wasted 2 days on it...better than some ppl i know! haha...
now to just figure out how to beat the Gilmore Girls addiction....meh. its not worth it! i am perfectly happy being addicted to that! i say, better to be addicted to a TV show than drugs! haha

update on everything: 2 weeks till my new nephew (you're almost there soph!!!) and 2 weeks till my sister, bro-in-law, and neices!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! i really can't even stand it!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

okay, i'm done!

"We like Toban, but we are ADDICTED to you!"

Okay, school is almost over and it is going by too slowly!!!! i can't even handle it!! i'm dying! and crazy update on Jackass. we are apartly talking again and the friendship is tenative right now. i am apparently keeping him focused on not being such a jackass. it is going pretty well. but it is wierd.
also update on my cousin, he is apparently doing really well, but will have to be in the hospital for about 3 or 4 more days but the doctors say her will recover nicely. good thing too!
update on italy, still planning on going and it is looking more and more like i'll be going as an au pair. which is really scary but so so exciting!! i'm just excited!!
my sister is due in 22 days and i'm so excited!!!! it is going by way to slowly!
other sister is going to be here in 20 days with her husband and my girls!!!! i am so very excited! i might be even more excited for that (and my new nephew) than i am about italy!!!
okay, that was my update because my life is boring and there is nothing else going on.

okay i'm done!

Please pray...

My cousin Ryker (I just found out) is at Primary Children's hospital with what was thought to be a brain tumor but turned out to be just an absess, which is better apparently. He had surgery and is said to be on his way to getting better if he recovers how expected. I'm kinda freakin' out and just wanted to say to my cousin and his (my) family that my thoughts and prayers are with them! Luckily, I will be in salt lake tomorrow so I might be able to stop by and see how he is doing. Okay, well, I better get some sleep.

Ryker buddy...we are all praying for you!

"So which of those boy bands do you like, those Backside Boys or 98 degrees?" "You mean the Backstreet Boys?"

Well, I like the Backstreet Boys. haha so the point of this is because the Backstreet Boys rock! I have no shame in admitting that I still like the Backstreet Boys. But the reason this is worth a blog post is because, i am freakin' out about my ASL interpretation project that I have to do in about 3 hrs and i can not get myself to calm down! then i remembered something. years ago when i first started having panic attacks, the only thing that would KEEP me calm enough to get through the attack or to prevent it was sitting back, closing my eyes and listening to BSB. I figured, it is worth a shot right? So here i am, listening to old and new BSB songs. and it is helping a lot. kind of hilarious i know but, if it works, take advantage of it baby!
And on this little tangent in my head, i would like to name the top 5 BSB songs!

Top 5 Songs:
1) I Want It That Way -Millennium
2) As Long As You Love Me -Backstreet's Back
3) More Than That -Black and Blue
4) Never Gone -Never Gone
5) Shape of My Heart -Black and Blue


Okay I'm done. KTBSPA!! haha

"This is the room that made Liberace say: 'Step back. No one's this gay.' "

Okay, so I just have to get this off my chest. My friend (affectionately known as Cali) just came out to her parents and they are not taking it well. I mean granted, that is not exactly the easiest thing for a parent to hear, well at least not Molly and Peter Mormon parents, but eventually the shock wears off and the acceptance starts. In Cali's case they aren't accepting, they want her to get therapy and talk to the bishop, and never ever come back to Utah (state university) because her "satan-esque" girlfriend is here. She is having a hard enough time with her parents who are putting their pending separation off to focus on her and her problem, but her best friend back home wrote her off in December and is just now willing to talk to her but tell her that she can't support her committing a sin. I just spent the last 2-3 hours talking with her and being a supportive friend and I also was asked to talk w/ the back home best friend and I politely and maturely discussed her views on the church and homosexuality. It was intense. I heard that ignorant people like her existed, but I didn't think it was true! she actually used the line "why should I care what society thinks when I only care about God?"!!! belief in God is one thing, but...well you had to be there to believe it.
I just want to finish with this:
I have gay friends whom I love and fully support, but those friends constantly deal with the hell that society puts them through. Society and religion feels it is a choice not who a person is. My opinion that in a world where people treat homosexuality as "disgusting", "a sin", "gross", etc why in the world would a person CHOOSE to put themselves through such a hell-ish and hard life?
On this topic (and to finish) from 8:00 AM-8:00 PM tomorrow (well today) is the day of silence at USU in support of G.L.B.T people where we don't talk all day. I will keep you posted on how that goes.

Okay, I'm done.

Viewer Discretion is Advised:

So as I'm sure all the country knows, the shooting at Virginia Tech yesterday was awful and such a sad horrible thing for those families who lost loved ones. all my sympathy's to them. but with that said, i would like to divulge into what became a very interesting yet irritating...discussion...between my friends and I.
So while I do totally respect my friends and their different opinions, I can't respect this. Guns allowed LEGALLY on US college campus's. A friend of mine feels that this is totally justified and reasonable. Why shouldn't her 2nd Amendment right be used to its fullest right? wrong. Yes, feel free to keep guns in your homes for protection, if that is your wish; but do not bring them on a HUGE college campus or anywhere where a vast amount of people will be. It is a true, but sad, reality that in today's world, visible guns (not on police) cause fear and panic, not safety. Columbine and 9/11 changed that for us. I personally feel that the "gun control" that is sweeping our nation is insane. Guns should be used for protection purposes by military and police (and those who fall under that category) only. Guns for hunting, I feel should be monitored. So many accidental deaths of children are caused by the guns that their parents keep in the house, and that is so upsetting. Think of your children!
I would like to now quote Chris Rock:
“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystander .”
I have never heard a truer statement than that right there.
My other problem w/ last nights discussion was that my gun control friend said "shit if I were there, I would've takin' my fuckin' gun and rushed his ass!"
I could not believe my ears!!! there are about 1000 things wrong with this statement, but I'll just name a few.
1) sure she feels confident saying that when she is clear in the HELL across the country!!!!
2) no person in this WORLD knows how they would react in that kind of situation and to say that you do is the biggest bunch of bullshit i've ever heard!
3) it takes more than a moment to say "i'd kill a man and risk my life to save 30 others". we all would like to think that we would try and do something heroic like that, but the truth is, we don't know that. we don't know if we would or could. the shooter at VT was (apparently) a very angry, very depressed man and this was not a spur of the moment decision. it just wasn't.
I love my friend I really do. But in what is now the biggest American college campus mass murder since 1966, you can't just say that you would've done something different because it is disrespectful to the dead, injured and the families affected.

So again I say, all the sympathy's in the world to the students and families affected by this true tradgedy and R.I.P. to those who were killed.

"I've already gone through the 5 stages of grieving: denial, anger...I don't know what these 2 were but they were served on the rocks WITH SALT!"

update on Italy: still going but it is probably going to be as an aupair! :D kinda scary but exciting! but basically i'm going no matter what! yay for me!

update on school: two weeks left and i'm freakin' sick! i'm pissed! i can't believe that i'm sick! that is like the worst thing to happen! okay, not really, but it is still irritating! also this week (Thursday) i have my big ASL interpretation project and i'm freakin' out! but. it is going to be fine. i just have to get it over with and then move on. that is the important thing. phew. relaxing is the key for me...

update on my movie list: just finished the Philadelphia Story, M*A*S*H, and Raiders of the Lost Ark. i actually can't believe i'm saying this but i LOVED them all!!! The P. Story was absolutely amazing!! Cary Grant and K. Hepburn were both so so amazing!!! so that now makes 60 movies down, 40 to go! haha

okay, i'm done! ;)

"So not only did you GO to a cop-raided party, you STARTED the cop-raided party?"

so, tonight was a kick-ass night!!! we (and by we i mean all my girlfriends: annalisa, natasha, kait, katy, Cali, rachel, and TK) went to the club (and by club i mean piece of dookie that pretends to be a club) in logan and it was awesome!! such a needed night out and it was amazing! tomorrow night we are all going to the Sigma Chi house to chill and party some more! can't wait for that!! i love my friends! they are all so amazing and it's impossible to have a bad time when around them!!!

update on Italy, parents won't pay (still love them but GRR) anything, so i'm doing it myself and going in September until November. I will just work 3 jobs and go on my own just as a traveler. That makes me even more excited and about 10,000 x more worth it! so, ITALIA: HERE I COME!

"When in Spain we need to know how to say: 'Do you know where Antonio Banderas lives?'"

i just found something that i have to do. study abroad in italy. i figure i'll work for the summer then go for the fall semester, and by "fall" i mean 4-6 weeks. but i'll be in ITALY studying PHOTOGRAPHY which is something I want to do anyway!!!!! so, yeah. okay. well that is the new plan. i will go to Italy. okay. i'm done.

"Did anyone else hear me say I KNOW the story?!"

okay. just thought that i would share this piece of information:

Christina Aguilera might be the BEST LIVE PERFORMER alive today.
seriously. she has an amazing voice that is not "perfected" in the studio.
it is all her and you can tell from her live performances. seriously.
check out these links if you don't believe me!!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xvvebo6GOKo&mode=related&search=
http://youtube.com/watch?v=h6tCfjFS2Xg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=p718OuZw0Iw

She might be my celebrity hero.

just thought you should know.

"Pick a team. It needs you!"

being an adult is hard. not to mention EXPENSIVE!!! like, i'm pretty sure i can handle it and what not, but seriously! being fully on your own is going to rock, but wow. this is intense. i'm still way excited to move out (eventually) and do this thing called life on my own, but it is still a little scary and overwhelming. but, at the same time, i'm the only one of my siblings to really and truly do that. i think...basically it is totally going to be like one of those lame but true MasterCard commercials. like the ones that go: hot dog, $3; baseball ticket, $25; time as father/son, priceless! so again, lame, but true.
anyway, i also have a choir concert tonight that i'm excited for but also a little nervous for because we have some great songs, but my teacher wants us to do some by memory that we aren't ready for, and also one song sounds great but looks awful on stage (the way she wants to do it!)!!!! but it will be a great concert! plus my mom and dad are coming!! especially the part about my DAD coming!!! he never got a chance to hear me sing in Belles Voix (my HS women's choir) my senior year because he was in GA, so i'm so so excited that he can come! and my singing brother is coming and my stepdad! yay for family!!! :D

okay, gotta get ready for work!
"super cool party people bid you super cool adieu!"

"and now I'm just happily scotched in acceptance...scotched..."

so i'm super excited for this summer now! i mean i've always been excited because i get a brand new nephew and i get to see my 3 year old niece and the 5 month old niece that i've never seen, so that i'm just anxiously waiting for! but i'm excited because i've decided that i'm going to be a nanny and i can't wait! i already have a family interested in me and i'm going to meet them next saturday to talk out details and figure out all that stuff. it will be for a single mom and her 3 boys. I love kids so much that i think this will be a good way for me to earn money (good money) and do something that i enjoy! i'm so excited! okay, i'm done for today!!

oh yeah, only 28 days left!!! :D

i also decided that when i get an apartment (eventually that is) i'm going to get a puppy!! i'm so excited for that!! i want to get a female puppy and call her roxie! haha maybe! *this is the kind of dog i want! :P

You're like the POP-UP book from HELL!!!

so in true Bickmore family style, it is high time for my top 5's! *cu*rrent top 5's

Top 5 Gilmore Girls Episodes:
1) I Can't Get Started--Rory and Jess KISS!!!!!
2) They Shoot Gilmore's Don't They?--the 24hr dance marathon!!! (aka dean/rory over!)
3) Raincoats and Recipes--LUKE AND LORELAI KISS!!!!!!! :D
4) Jews and Chinese Food--Rory and Logan finally hook-up! :D
5) The Break-up part 1--Rory finally mopes over her (1st) break-up w/ dean

Top 5 Ballads:
1) Hey Jude--The Beatles
2) I want it That Way--The Backstreet Boys
3) More than That--The Backstreet Boys
4) Black Roses Red--Alana Grace
5) In Your Eyes--Peter Gabriel

Top 5 Movies:
1) Breakfast at Tiffany's
2) The Godfather
3) Streetcar Named Desire
4) Practical Magic
5) The Departed

Top 5 Chick Flicks:
1) The Notebook
2) A Cinderella Story
3) Now and Then
4) While You were Sleeping
5) Practical Magic

Top 5 Addicting Games @ addictinggames.com:
1) Sorority Panty Raid--awful but AWESOME!
2) Pacxon--reverse pac-man
3) McDonald's Game--you get to run all of McDonald's
4) Mini-Pool--so dumb, but so entertaining
5) Idiot tests--the fool proof way to see if you are an idiot. tehehe!! fun...

Okay, well that is all for now. I got bored and this made me happy. Enjoy! and if you have any suggestions for more top 5's, feel free to ask!! :D