The singer of this song is talking to someone in a romantic manner but for the purposes of ME, it is just a message that says--"I know it's scary, but it's okay. You can do this." I dunno, it's the message I'm getting and need.
Moving on...
Semester 317 at LSU (and by "317" I mean (counting summer/intersession) 5) is underway--and looming. Don't get me wrong, this is the semester of college I have been WAITING for since I was the naive (although, was I ever *really* naive?) age of 18 and just starting college: the semester when you start the coursework for your major that you actually give a damn about. The semester that makes you see that "light at the end of the tunnel" they speak of. The semester that makes a student realize that all the bulls*** Gen. Ed. classes they took really were worth the time and effort. *THIS* is the semester I have been anxiously waited for.
why again?
It is only 4 classes, each one day a week, each containing information I am super eager to learn more and more about, and all with professors I already know that I like.
But each of those 4 classes are paper and project intensive, as well as weekly observations--starting like, Tuesday.
I know (KNOW) that the best approach to this semester is to take each paper/project one class and one project/paper at a time because I cannot do more than that. I can only do what is in front of me.
It is because I know this about myself that I have decided syllabi (ha, the plural is just funny) are a medieval torture method. Laying out every single item that is due throughout the next 4-ish months in one fell swoop is just plain mean! Doing that for one solid week is what causes straight madness campuses wide. It isn't cool teachers! Just fyi.
I am fortunate that I have professors who are highly understanding and kind. They are people who are willing to work with their students who are willing to work with them. One of my professors offered to help me develop a weekly study plan (clearly I need help...). I am grateful that I have a plan of attack to keep my "madness" under control before it gets *out* of control.
With that said, I will need all the help, luck, prayers, good words, thoughts and love I can get this semester and the 3 to come.
With THAT said, I forgot to mention the BEST part of this semester is that I get to be in a kindergarten class 3 days a week for 4 hours! It will undoubtedly be challenging, but I am here to learn and what is better than applying my learning in a practical manner OR seeing my future in action? I am very very excited for this. :) :)
August 24, 2012
August 17, 2012
"Nothing In My Way"
Love, love, love this song so so much, because now there is *NOTHING* in my way but me.
A week ago exactly, I was sitting on the beach in Destin, FL and I was watching a father chase the waves with his daughter (about age 5/6) and his wife build a sandcastle with their son (about age 8/9). I looked down the beach in both directions and saw many similar scenes. All those who read my blog or have just talked to me briefly about marriage, dating, families, etc. probably have a very good idea what my thought process was while watching this scene--and for a few moments, you are all exactly right.
I was sad, upset, angry, bitter, and once again very aware of my single status. Then I briefly played "what if this was my life?" I named the son (Luke) and daughter (Chloe), and imagined what my life whould be like if I was married and had two children right now. I need to emphasize the "briefly" part because it is important to the rest of this post.
I pictured this life for about 5-10 minutes before I had a thought that shocked me to my core and some would call my "aha" moment: I am not willing to give up my current path/goals and all my past experiences to have that family life I pictured. Is that selfish? Is that just honest? Either way, the answer is still no; no, I am not willing to give up my college education, going to the Peace Corps after I graduate, the chance to travel around Europe or any other opportunity I may have along the way. As bitter as I sometimes am, as sad as I sometimes get, and as lonely as I often feel--I do not regret a single experience I have lived through and hope to someday have.
This revelation doesn't change that I do desperately desire to fall in love and search for it with all my heart. What this revelation DOES change is how I feel about this desire of mine. I am still saddened at times but I'm not angry anymore. I have a future that I have been excited about living, but my excitement has nearly always been clouded by my bitterness at being alone. I now realize that it is *because* I am alone that I have the chance to live the future I have imagined.
However, if one more person who is married or in a relationship tells me (condescendingly OR lovingly) that "my time will come when I least except it," I might have to bitch slap them. Just sayin'. ;-P haha
"I am someone who is looking for love, real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"--Carrie Bradshaw
A week ago exactly, I was sitting on the beach in Destin, FL and I was watching a father chase the waves with his daughter (about age 5/6) and his wife build a sandcastle with their son (about age 8/9). I looked down the beach in both directions and saw many similar scenes. All those who read my blog or have just talked to me briefly about marriage, dating, families, etc. probably have a very good idea what my thought process was while watching this scene--and for a few moments, you are all exactly right.
I was sad, upset, angry, bitter, and once again very aware of my single status. Then I briefly played "what if this was my life?" I named the son (Luke) and daughter (Chloe), and imagined what my life whould be like if I was married and had two children right now. I need to emphasize the "briefly" part because it is important to the rest of this post.
I pictured this life for about 5-10 minutes before I had a thought that shocked me to my core and some would call my "aha" moment: I am not willing to give up my current path/goals and all my past experiences to have that family life I pictured. Is that selfish? Is that just honest? Either way, the answer is still no; no, I am not willing to give up my college education, going to the Peace Corps after I graduate, the chance to travel around Europe or any other opportunity I may have along the way. As bitter as I sometimes am, as sad as I sometimes get, and as lonely as I often feel--I do not regret a single experience I have lived through and hope to someday have.
This revelation doesn't change that I do desperately desire to fall in love and search for it with all my heart. What this revelation DOES change is how I feel about this desire of mine. I am still saddened at times but I'm not angry anymore. I have a future that I have been excited about living, but my excitement has nearly always been clouded by my bitterness at being alone. I now realize that it is *because* I am alone that I have the chance to live the future I have imagined.
However, if one more person who is married or in a relationship tells me (condescendingly OR lovingly) that "my time will come when I least except it," I might have to bitch slap them. Just sayin'. ;-P haha
"I am someone who is looking for love, real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"--Carrie Bradshaw
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