I often think about this song when I am going through a tough time or need to make difficult decisions or just when I need to have hope. Although this song is technically about a lost love, the chorus is particularly applicable to many things:
And I know you loved me in your way
I'm looking forward to looking back on these days
And I'm fine, but I'm not okay
I'm looking forward to looking back on these days
I am currently thinking about this song right now because I am going
through something brand new in my life. I am finishing college--3 more
semesters! GAH!! And I am becoming more and more independent, truly
independent. It is scary. Why did no one tell me how scary it is to make
adult decisions?! More importantly, why didn't anyone tell me how
nerve-wrecking, stressful and damn exciting it is? :)
I am also thinking about this song because my brother and his family are moving to Arizona very very soon so that he can pursue his PhD. I am so excited for and proud of him. But it has also gotten me thinking about how "old" my family is getting.We have all been living our lives, pursuing careers and dreams, but it is suddenly feeling very different.
Over ten years ago, my oldest sister moved to Scotland with her husband to start their lives while he finished school. They know have three beautiful children and are very happy.
One of my brother's just moved to India to pursue an incredible job opportunity.
My younger brother is contemplating moving to China for school.
My sister went through a majorly difficult experience that has resulted in a second beautiful, much wanted, greatly loved child.
The brother who is moving to Arizona is leaving his home of 30+ years to pursue his new dream and career path.
And then there is me--heading towards graduation, a job, and many other things.
By the end of the summer (or the year) there will only be one of my siblings living in Utah. This is a new phase for everyone and I have a strong feeling that it will be a great one for all of us.
June 12, 2013
May 26, 2013
"Sugar, Sugar"
I first discovered this song on one of my all time favorite movies, Now and Then, so that is what I expected when searching for the song. But no. I found this FABULOUS video. So worth viewing. For reals. Like watch it. Now. Did you click yet? DO IT! :)
So I picked this song because I have taken on an endeavor that I have never tried before. I am attempting to go 1 month without ANY: candy, desserts, pointless sugar snacks (fruit snacks and the like), and no soda. When I did a fruit and veggie detox last spring I inadvertently went 3 weeks without any candy, etc because I was determined to do the detox to it's finish. And I did. I've also quit soda numerous times "successfully." I say that because I always go back. But I have never quit sweets like this before. And I am extremely proud to say that I have been successful thus far. I began on May 1st and will continue until June 1st. BUT I will not resume sugar stuff full force, just on occasion; I will no longer buy "study snacks" in the form of candy. I will have the rare dessert. I will try to make healthier desserts that still give me a sugar fix, but not in a terrible way.
I have been doing this endeavor with Michael. He isn't a big candy or dessert fan but he did give up both the sweets and soda. Having someone to do this with has been a big help. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and I think that is because of the support of having someone do it with me. Now the last week is beginning and he is gone on a family vacation. Due to his physical absence, I have discovered that I am very much a boredom snacker. I don't really crave candy or cookies or whatever unless I'm massively bored. The first week was nothing. The last week however will be brutal. :/
I kinda miss gummy bears and chocolate and chocolate chip cookies, but other than that, I actually haven't missed all that much.
This is my random blog post for now. Wish me luck on completing this final week. :)
Seriously though, did you watch that video????
So I picked this song because I have taken on an endeavor that I have never tried before. I am attempting to go 1 month without ANY: candy, desserts, pointless sugar snacks (fruit snacks and the like), and no soda. When I did a fruit and veggie detox last spring I inadvertently went 3 weeks without any candy, etc because I was determined to do the detox to it's finish. And I did. I've also quit soda numerous times "successfully." I say that because I always go back. But I have never quit sweets like this before. And I am extremely proud to say that I have been successful thus far. I began on May 1st and will continue until June 1st. BUT I will not resume sugar stuff full force, just on occasion; I will no longer buy "study snacks" in the form of candy. I will have the rare dessert. I will try to make healthier desserts that still give me a sugar fix, but not in a terrible way.
I have been doing this endeavor with Michael. He isn't a big candy or dessert fan but he did give up both the sweets and soda. Having someone to do this with has been a big help. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and I think that is because of the support of having someone do it with me. Now the last week is beginning and he is gone on a family vacation. Due to his physical absence, I have discovered that I am very much a boredom snacker. I don't really crave candy or cookies or whatever unless I'm massively bored. The first week was nothing. The last week however will be brutal. :/
I kinda miss gummy bears and chocolate and chocolate chip cookies, but other than that, I actually haven't missed all that much.
This is my random blog post for now. Wish me luck on completing this final week. :)
Seriously though, did you watch that video????
May 12, 2013
"It's Only Life"
There is something I tend to always forget when I go through hard times, no matter how hard they actually are. I tend to forget that, it's only life.
This semester was the second hardest semester of my life. The first is when I was a second semester freshman at USU and I became so depressed that I just shut down; on family, on friends and definitely on school. I got one C that semester and the rest were F's (I think 3 or 4). The worst part was, up until 1 month before the semester was over, I did not care that I was failing. By the time I did start to care, it was far to late to change anything, however I started to get mental and emotional help from a counselor and after a few weeks, with the support of my parents, I got on an anti-depressant. I am recounting this because, A) I'm not ashamed of it; I had a medical condition that I still sometimes struggle with but I got help, and B) I know what it is like to be at the very bottom and know how it feels to know that it would be easier to give up but that it would be far better to get back up.
I'm not sure if I've ever fully explained to anyone why I got the tattoo that I have (Chinese symbol for Dream). When I was in high school, I went through a very dark, depressed time but I tried to hide it and fight it by dreaming up big dreams and goals for myself. When I went through that second semester at USU, everything I had been hiding from came screaming towards me and it was ready to fight. It was really rough. Yet there was NOT A SINGLE day I felt like giving up. The reason for that is for all the many wild and far fetched dreams that I had come up with and, more importantly, the desire to accomplish as many of those dreams as I could. I got my tattoo because I got through something incredibly difficult and while I had family and friends who didn't give up on me, it was my personal goals, desires, and Dreams that got me through. My tattoo is my constant reminder that my dreams are worth fighting for no matter how hard life gets. My tattoo reminds me that when I went through my hardest time, I got through it and I can, and will, get through whatever else life throws at me.
What's my point, you ask? For a lot of reasons, this past semester was exceptionally hard. This semester took everything out of me--emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have never been exhausted in every facet of my life. I did not do very well academically and that, unfortunately, was the wake up call that I need to let me know that I was not passionate or even excited about the program I was in. I have an extremely high respect for teachers, but I am not meant to be a teacher. So I have switched programs. I feel so strongly that it is the right fit for me. It will lead me to a dream that I have had since I was a nanny to two incredible boys--own/run my own daycare/preschool.
I have gone through a lot to get to a point where I was happy with every part of my life. I just wish that I had figured this part out sooner rather than later, but the point is I got there. It will be hard, it is not part of mine and my parents original plan, but it truly is a better plan.
My last thing for this insanely long post is: Happy Mother's Day.
First, to my own incredibly loving, supportive, creative, hardworking, inspiring mother. She has never, ever given up on me even when it would be extremely easy to do so. I love you mom.
Second, to Dana, my caring, loving and supportive step mom. I give her too hard of a time sometimes but I am extremely grateful to have her in my life.
Third, to my grandmothers and aunts who have always been such wonderful inspirations.
Fourth, to my sisters Amelia, Sophie, and Lesley for being such great examples to me about what it means to be a mother.
Fifth, to all the mothers who have taken care of me in some fashion--Sharon Jackson, Diane Wilson, Shauna Horner, Regina Woolston, and Lori Gorski. I am grateful for the support and love you all have shown me in your own way.
This semester was the second hardest semester of my life. The first is when I was a second semester freshman at USU and I became so depressed that I just shut down; on family, on friends and definitely on school. I got one C that semester and the rest were F's (I think 3 or 4). The worst part was, up until 1 month before the semester was over, I did not care that I was failing. By the time I did start to care, it was far to late to change anything, however I started to get mental and emotional help from a counselor and after a few weeks, with the support of my parents, I got on an anti-depressant. I am recounting this because, A) I'm not ashamed of it; I had a medical condition that I still sometimes struggle with but I got help, and B) I know what it is like to be at the very bottom and know how it feels to know that it would be easier to give up but that it would be far better to get back up.
I'm not sure if I've ever fully explained to anyone why I got the tattoo that I have (Chinese symbol for Dream). When I was in high school, I went through a very dark, depressed time but I tried to hide it and fight it by dreaming up big dreams and goals for myself. When I went through that second semester at USU, everything I had been hiding from came screaming towards me and it was ready to fight. It was really rough. Yet there was NOT A SINGLE day I felt like giving up. The reason for that is for all the many wild and far fetched dreams that I had come up with and, more importantly, the desire to accomplish as many of those dreams as I could. I got my tattoo because I got through something incredibly difficult and while I had family and friends who didn't give up on me, it was my personal goals, desires, and Dreams that got me through. My tattoo is my constant reminder that my dreams are worth fighting for no matter how hard life gets. My tattoo reminds me that when I went through my hardest time, I got through it and I can, and will, get through whatever else life throws at me.
What's my point, you ask? For a lot of reasons, this past semester was exceptionally hard. This semester took everything out of me--emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have never been exhausted in every facet of my life. I did not do very well academically and that, unfortunately, was the wake up call that I need to let me know that I was not passionate or even excited about the program I was in. I have an extremely high respect for teachers, but I am not meant to be a teacher. So I have switched programs. I feel so strongly that it is the right fit for me. It will lead me to a dream that I have had since I was a nanny to two incredible boys--own/run my own daycare/preschool.
I have gone through a lot to get to a point where I was happy with every part of my life. I just wish that I had figured this part out sooner rather than later, but the point is I got there. It will be hard, it is not part of mine and my parents original plan, but it truly is a better plan.
My last thing for this insanely long post is: Happy Mother's Day.
First, to my own incredibly loving, supportive, creative, hardworking, inspiring mother. She has never, ever given up on me even when it would be extremely easy to do so. I love you mom.
Second, to Dana, my caring, loving and supportive step mom. I give her too hard of a time sometimes but I am extremely grateful to have her in my life.
Third, to my grandmothers and aunts who have always been such wonderful inspirations.
Fourth, to my sisters Amelia, Sophie, and Lesley for being such great examples to me about what it means to be a mother.
Fifth, to all the mothers who have taken care of me in some fashion--Sharon Jackson, Diane Wilson, Shauna Horner, Regina Woolston, and Lori Gorski. I am grateful for the support and love you all have shown me in your own way.
February 4, 2013
"Don't You Want To Stay?"
I love this song. It makes me happy, for obvious reasons :)
I haven't posted in awhile, so why not now? At 2:00 AM. Don't judge.
If you don't stay updated with my page on Facebook, then let me update you--I am terrified of spiders and I stepped on a big daddy of spider--on accident WITH MY BAREFOOT. I about threw up from fear and mortification. Luckily I have an awesome roommate who saved me. OOOH YEAH! She saved me because all my stepping on it did was break off one leg, so the big daddy was crawling around all limp-y. I was flipping out.
Also on Facebook recently, I posted a status about being happy. I am happy. I am sometimes so overwhelmed with the happiness that I freak out and over think it ("things are going too good, something is gonna go to hell" kind of over thinking). However, I am more often consumed with the fantastic feeling of just how happy I am--School is going well, I'm eating healthy(ier), I'm working out, and I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me so well. Life is pretty good right now.
Part of my New Year's Resolution to myself (I'm not sure if I posted them on here) is to eat healthier and to not spend so much of my money on food or coffee. In order to accommodate this resolution, I am making my own morning coffee at home and I'm TRYING to not drink it after 2 or 3, and I found an amazing blog that I'm madly in love with:
Ring Around the Rosies.
From this blog I have found six different posts that include dozens of crock pot recipes that I can put together in advance and freeze. I am using my dad's ancient (but amazing) crock pot and making all sorts of delicious meals that have made life so much easier for lunches and dinners (I will never underestimate the importance and amazing-ness of leftovers). So far I have made:
Mini omelettes (part 5)
Mini meatloaf served with potatoes (part 3)
Lazy stew over noodles or plain (part 1)
Chicken teriyaki over rice (part 1)
Sausage and peppers over noodles or french bread (part 1)
So that's that. If you're interested in making the food part of your life easier, check out that blog.
That's it. I'm done.
Oh.
Did I mention that I'm happy? :)
I haven't posted in awhile, so why not now? At 2:00 AM. Don't judge.
If you don't stay updated with my page on Facebook, then let me update you--I am terrified of spiders and I stepped on a big daddy of spider--on accident WITH MY BAREFOOT. I about threw up from fear and mortification. Luckily I have an awesome roommate who saved me. OOOH YEAH! She saved me because all my stepping on it did was break off one leg, so the big daddy was crawling around all limp-y. I was flipping out.
Also on Facebook recently, I posted a status about being happy. I am happy. I am sometimes so overwhelmed with the happiness that I freak out and over think it ("things are going too good, something is gonna go to hell" kind of over thinking). However, I am more often consumed with the fantastic feeling of just how happy I am--School is going well, I'm eating healthy(ier), I'm working out, and I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me so well. Life is pretty good right now.
Part of my New Year's Resolution to myself (I'm not sure if I posted them on here) is to eat healthier and to not spend so much of my money on food or coffee. In order to accommodate this resolution, I am making my own morning coffee at home and I'm TRYING to not drink it after 2 or 3, and I found an amazing blog that I'm madly in love with:
Ring Around the Rosies.
From this blog I have found six different posts that include dozens of crock pot recipes that I can put together in advance and freeze. I am using my dad's ancient (but amazing) crock pot and making all sorts of delicious meals that have made life so much easier for lunches and dinners (I will never underestimate the importance and amazing-ness of leftovers). So far I have made:
Mini omelettes (part 5)
Mini meatloaf served with potatoes (part 3)
Lazy stew over noodles or plain (part 1)
Chicken teriyaki over rice (part 1)
Sausage and peppers over noodles or french bread (part 1)
So that's that. If you're interested in making the food part of your life easier, check out that blog.
That's it. I'm done.
Oh.
Did I mention that I'm happy? :)
January 21, 2013
"Everybody Talks"
This song is so catchy and fun. The lyrics are great.
I enjoy my blog, but lately I feel like I have nothing to say. Or if I do find something I want to say it ends up being slightly (or totally) depressing or an emotional share.
So I'll do the cliche January post--resolutions, farther term goals, and comments.
This year I hope:
--To work out and get in shape in a similar manner to Boston. I hope to accomplish this by running, doing P90X, pilates and eating healthy.
--To start and finish my semester strong. I have a hard, busy semester ahead of me and I can't afford to fall behind. One day, one project at a time.
--To be a more positive person. I am positive by nature, but my emotions and struggles get in the way of that too frequently.
--To volunteer more. I love it and I feel inspired and better about myself when I do.
My sister wrote her goals post for the year by finding a term that can be applied to many goals. She "challenged" readers to find their word. Mine is: motivated.
I am motivated to accomplish those things and more. I am motivated to find a level of happiness that has been eluding me for many many reasons. I am motivated to be a better me.
Oh, and I ran/walked a half-marathon yesterday. In about 3.5 hours. Not great at all, but I am proud of myself for doing it. I trained some but then due to unforseen sickness and overwhelming final papers, I stopped. I made a promise to myself to do this, so regardless of my pace or ability, I ran what I could and with the help of my partner in idiocy (Emily Richard), I finished. I ran across the finish line and accomplished something that felt amazing. I hope to actually train and run another half-marathon at some point (maybe next year?), but for now, my goal is to get in shape. Maybe another 5k or two.
I enjoy my blog, but lately I feel like I have nothing to say. Or if I do find something I want to say it ends up being slightly (or totally) depressing or an emotional share.
So I'll do the cliche January post--resolutions, farther term goals, and comments.
This year I hope:
--To work out and get in shape in a similar manner to Boston. I hope to accomplish this by running, doing P90X, pilates and eating healthy.
--To start and finish my semester strong. I have a hard, busy semester ahead of me and I can't afford to fall behind. One day, one project at a time.
--To be a more positive person. I am positive by nature, but my emotions and struggles get in the way of that too frequently.
--To volunteer more. I love it and I feel inspired and better about myself when I do.
My sister wrote her goals post for the year by finding a term that can be applied to many goals. She "challenged" readers to find their word. Mine is: motivated.
I am motivated to accomplish those things and more. I am motivated to find a level of happiness that has been eluding me for many many reasons. I am motivated to be a better me.
Oh, and I ran/walked a half-marathon yesterday. In about 3.5 hours. Not great at all, but I am proud of myself for doing it. I trained some but then due to unforseen sickness and overwhelming final papers, I stopped. I made a promise to myself to do this, so regardless of my pace or ability, I ran what I could and with the help of my partner in idiocy (Emily Richard), I finished. I ran across the finish line and accomplished something that felt amazing. I hope to actually train and run another half-marathon at some point (maybe next year?), but for now, my goal is to get in shape. Maybe another 5k or two.
January 13, 2013
"Lucky Love"
I picked this song because who doesn't love some Ace of Base?
2013 is already off to a much better start than 2012:
I'm happy. Like Boston happy.
I'm eating better (well trying too). I'm focused on a better workout regime (start date pending).
I'm eager and ready for school to start. This semester is going to be absolute hell, but absolutely worth it.
I am determined to make this year incredible and I'm well on my way.
that's all for now. :)
2013 is already off to a much better start than 2012:
I'm happy. Like Boston happy.
I'm eating better (well trying too). I'm focused on a better workout regime (start date pending).
I'm eager and ready for school to start. This semester is going to be absolute hell, but absolutely worth it.
I am determined to make this year incredible and I'm well on my way.
that's all for now. :)
December 27, 2012
"Infatuation"
This song is just so so good!
My Christmas break has been great so far. I have gotten to see my incredibly hilarious and wonderful nephews and FINALLY meet my new niece. I love them all so much and I miss them all the time. *Mia, I miss your kids every single day! I hate not seeing them!* I also got to spend time with my other "niece" (who I love so much)!!
Bring on 2013 and all it's challenges and excitement.
My Christmas break has been great so far. I have gotten to see my incredibly hilarious and wonderful nephews and FINALLY meet my new niece. I love them all so much and I miss them all the time. *Mia, I miss your kids every single day! I hate not seeing them!* I also got to spend time with my other "niece" (who I love so much)!!
Deacon. One of my favorite things to do is cuddle with this sweet boy. I love when he settles enough to let me read him stories. But don't get me wrong, I sure do love our tickle fights and pillow fights. <3 br="br">
Meeting beautiful baby Gwenyth is possibly the major highlight of my trip home. I adore her and can't wait to love on her so much throughout the years.
Van. Oh man. This boy has gotten so much chattier since I last saw him. He is the sweetest boy. I am so lucky to have someone who loves me so much that his face lights up when he sees me (most of the time) :)
William. Hands down, funniest 4-year-old I know. He has the greatest grin, laugh, and sense of humor. I love the one-on-one time I get with this wonderful boy.
Bruiser (with a cameo by Deacon/Will). Now this dog has my heart completely. He knows just when to lay by me to keep me company when I'm feeling lonely. He gets so excited when I come home, no matter how long it's been. Bruiser is my baby and I love and miss him kind of a ridiculous amount.
Ryah. This child is so adorable it's ridiculous. I have seen her 4 times in her life and I adore her with all my heart. She is getting to be so funny and so animated. I love it! (she is blowing kisses btw)
Before I left for Utah, I had about 1.5 weeks to spend with Michael. We have now been together over a month, which to some may not seem like a lot, but it's a big deal to me. We have talked every single day I've been gone and although I'm loving spending time with my family and friends, I am very excited to see him next week and spend the majority of our remaining break together.
Since I've been home it has snowed. A lot. While I'm not a fan of the cold, I have forgotten how much I love being surrounded by beautiful mountains and watching the snow fall and see how beautiful it looks untouched. It is something I will never stop loving.
Christmas was wonderful and busy as always. As always, it was so wonderful to see my family. I love spending time with all of you laughing and stuffing our faces. The games, the laughter and the love are things that make being home so fun.
Christmas was wonderful and busy as always. As always, it was so wonderful to see my family. I love spending time with all of you laughing and stuffing our faces. The games, the laughter and the love are things that make being home so fun.
My mom and I have been so busy for different reasons that we haven't really had the chance to hang out much. It is tragic. :( But we are fixing that today, probably tomorrow and most likely many other days.
Since I've been home, I have seen some of my most favorite people: Rachelle, Nicole, Taylor, and Suzzie. I will be seeing the rest of my favorite people in this last week home: Megan and Kari. Hopefully I can add my dear friend Ashley to that list because it just wouldn't be a trip home without one of my most hilarious friends.
My birthday is in 3 days. WHAT?? 26, finally getting my life together and loving it. Who knew all I needed was to find out what I wanted and get out of my own head to accomplish it? I sure didn't. I'm just grateful I found inner peace (yep, cheesy I know but true) so that I can truly be open to all the options that surround me and thankfully I did because I can tell you that while a boyfriend was hoped for, he was 150% unexpected. Thank goodness for good friends who through fun Halloween parties. I have a feeling that 2013 and 26 will be a much better year than 2012 and 25 (the first 10 months were pretty awful).
School is INSANE but I truly do love it. Spending time with and being a part of those children's life has been such an amazing blessing. It has not only confirmed my choice, but it has eased so many doubts and fears. While I can't say I am completely ready for the rest of my program, I can say that I am totally ready for the challenge.
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