"I'm ready to wallow now."

Here is some food for thought:

I was talking to my mom earlier this week about how over Jake I really was...I'm not going to focus on that frustrating part (talking to my mom, who is all but TOO happy to have him out of my life, about it). I'm focusing on the thoughts I had about it...

I am over him. I am. To some extent. I don't want to be part of his life like I was, I am glad that I finally am able to see him without falling about, and I'm so glad that I have gotten away from the pain that he caused me for so SO many years.
BUT he choose someone else. I was a huge part of his life for so long and he was my best friend and I loved him. I really loveD him. so to have him choose someone else over me after everything we've been through together, hurts so much. seeing him with her is STILL more than i can handle. He might marry her and that i can't handle. I don't want to be married this young, I really don't, but why does he love her more than me? what did i do that was so wrong that he couldn't be with me?
and then this whole thing made me think about how it seems like everyone i know (who are all younger than me *except one*) is getting married. am i missing something here? did i not get the memo? why does it seem that i can't make a relationship work, but all these ppl (again YOUNGER than me) seem to know that they can make a damn marriage work!
here is a list of all the ppl i know who are now or will be married by Dec 31 2007:
my georgia friends:
Racheal Isenberger
Deysi Valle
Stephanie Stander
my utah friends:
Rachel Kohlbrand
Valarie Jackson
Sky Sidwell (*as far as i still know)
my cousins:
Jessica Bickmore
Sam Orme (*the one older)

that is 8 ppl. THIS YEAR!!!!! all except for racheal isenberger and valarie jackson are getting married this year.

again...did i miss a memo or something? what am i doing wrong?

i don't want to be married. i REALLY don't. but i don't want to be alone. i want to at least start dating! just dating! not even a relationship. i just want to DATE! can i not even have that? because I screwed up with jake and reggie (different post for a different time) am i destined to be alone? can i not catch a break? why can't i find anyone yet everyone else seems to get ppl. the only person i know of that wants to be with me is in georgia and only wants to be with me for...an inside reason...it will never work so this is what i'm left with: 1 guy that i used to love but still hurts me and chose someone else, and 1 guy who doesn't know that i still love him...but he is "scared" by me...

any ideas?