okay. so this is not meant to make family members sad. it is just on my mind.
so December and January have always been INSANELY crazy in my family. INSANELY.
I mean in descending order we have:
younger brother's bday (Dec 13)
Christmas (3 places that day) (duh)
my bday (Dec 30)
(now) Evie's bday (Dec 29)
2nd older sister bday (Jan 2)
older brothers bday (Jan 11)
step dads bday (Jan 23 or 24)
oldest sisters bday (Jan 23 or 24)
brother in law's bday (Jan 30)
I mean, that is just crazy! that is a lot of stuff happening in a ridiculously short amount of time, but we handle it. no birthday is forgotten and Christmas (as shuffle-y as it is) always is happy and HAPPENS! i can't imagine a Dec/Jan without the insanity. it is what it is.
but this year, its exactly the same with 2 extra things thrown in. My little brother is going on a mission. And i am SO HAPPY FOR HIM. do NOT get me wrong about that. I am so very excited for him to go. but it comes at a strangely weird price for me.
His farewell and shin-dig is on: you know it! December 30th. yep. my birthday.
Now i know that i won't be "forgotten"; i've made sure of it. just cuz little brother is leaving, doesn't mean i get to be forgotten. and my family is being so great about me reminding them about my birthday practically everyday out of worry that in all the extra insanity of preparing for the mission they actually might forget about me. I don't even know when i am going to be able to celebrate my birthday! but I don't want to be all emotional and upset about ppl forgetting my birthday. I mean, i'm 21. big deal. its one birthday.
But today (meaning Christmas Eve) my dad mentioned that its not so much that i'm worried about ppl forgetting its that i'm taking my little brother leaving a lot harder than i've been letting on so i've been over compensating by focusing on my birthday.
He is right. about 95% right.
I don't want my birthday forgotten because it is my damn birthday!
But little brother and I have been through EVERYTHING big together:
the divorce
the re-marriages
the being the only two left at home(s)
the shuttling between GA and UT
but this GIGANTIC part of our lives is going to be separate; he is going to Singapore for two years and I am going to be a nanny (somewhere) for a year. we may not get a long as fabulously as we once did but because we went through the hardest stuff together we have a friendship that is beyond just siblings. at least i think we do. I am really going to miss him; so will everyone else, but i will miss him for some majorly different reasons.
So i guess it boils down to with all the focus on preparing him to leave, it freaks me out so i NEED to focus on my birthday. i need to know that it (I) still matter...
over dramatic much? maybe, but its how i am...
1 comment:
It matters. *You* matter. I feel I am due for a double whammy--you possibly going away to be a nanny, which you should do if you want to and you find a good situation, and the little brother going away. Who will go to movies with me? Shopping? watch reruns of Saving Grace and The Closer? Who will help me out when the big dinners happen? You see my point.
Today we will sit down to figure out what will happen on your birthday. Maybe it will happen in joyous pieces--a little celebration here, a little one there. I personally have already bought you a fabulous present.
xoxoxoxo Mom (and btw, very insightful of your dad)
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